pain is temporary

move on

"everything's got a morale if only you can find it, love"

how to move on? is it easy? yas. 

• take time to get over something
• remember everything in life is temporary. Pain is temporary as well, what is permanent is your soul and honesty, your sincerity, your love :)
• make new friends
• find something new
• do things that add value in your life, FOCUS on thing that your love doing

If you break-up, you have to get that barrier, respect your space. It's hard if you're hurting and you try to get over someone, and they still in your head, they keep calling, message.. don't pickup or reply, because this person had decided not to have you in his life anymore..

The Rules of Love

maybe you think you might have found it, but you're not sure?

Rules for Finding Love.

1. Be yourself - You see, if you fake it, you'll attract someone who belongs with a person that isn't you. And how will that help? Somewhere out there is someone who wants exactly the kind of person you are, complete with all the flaws and failings you come with. And I'll tell you something else -- they won't even see them as flaws and failings. They'll see them as part of your unique charm. And they'll be right.

2. Get over it before you get on with it - If your last relationship or two has left you a bit of an emotional wreck, it's better to repair the damage before you start looking for a new lover and partner. Otherwise you won't be able to show the real you, and you won't be able to focus on them if you're still preoccupied with yourself. So, do yourself a favour. Go away and hide somewhere while you lick your wounds. Enjoy your friends and your family, and wait until you've recovered a bit before you start looking for a new partner. And when you really do, try to pick someone whose scars are relatively well-healed too -- because of course this works the other way round as well. That way you can both see each other as you really are, and start your relationship the way you want to continue it.

3. Choose someone who makes you laugh - If you choose you partner for their looks, their status, even the rest of their personality, you could regret it eventually. Anyway, lots of those things can get lost along the way. Even personality traits can change -- a confident person can be shattered by an emotional trauma, a patient person can become irritable and frustrated through illness or pain. But a sense of humour will last you long after everything else has gone. Laughter is worth its weight in gold. A sense of humour is a very personal thing, and some people just make us laugh more than anyone else. You're almost guaranteed to fancy them, because anyone who makes you laugh will be hugely attractive, even if they're not physically what you'd been anticipating. 

3. Being less than a hundred percent attractive is a great filter - Anyone worth having, on the other hand, will love you for yourself and won't mind the physical imperfections. So be confident, and know that you are attractive to anyone deep enough to care about the whole of you, and not just what you'll look like on their arm. And when that someone finds you, you'll feel special and completely forget about your flaws.

4. Don't keep making mistake.

5. You can't change people - The fact that you can't ask people to change, and even if they wanted to they couldn't do it. Sure, they can modify their behaviour, but they can't change their personality. So if you can't live with these characteristics, don't get involved. Whatever you do, don't embark on a relationship with someone thinking, 'I can't cope with this bit of their personality, but that's OK - I'll change it'. You won't, you know. Everyone can be irritating from time to time in a relationship (including you) 

6. Relationship aren't about sex - The danger is that you'll mistake lust for love.

7. Get to know someone through all the seasons before making any major decisions - A year is perfectly reasonable lenght of time to ask someone to wait before deciding to live together, get married and have kids. If your wonderful partner is putting on the pressure after a few months, just tell them that this is your Rule: know someone through all the seasons before making any major decisions. If this is really the right person to be with, waiting 12 months to decide your future will be well worth it. After all, what's a year compared with a lifetime? What's the rush? Why not relax and have fun before all that real-life stuff starts piling on top if you.

8. Don't stay with someone who doesn't care - Somewhere out there is someone who will care for you properly in every sense. Don't throw yourself away on someone who won't. It will damage your confidence and your self-esteem over the years, as well as make you unhappy. So do yourself a favour and wait for someone better to come along. You want a partner whi makes you feel special because you are.

9. If you can't trust them, you haven't got a relationship - Maybe you've been lied to in the past and you find it impossible to trust people. Whatever justified you were in the past, it isn't fair to your new partner to make them pay for someone else's mistakes. If you can't trust your partner , you'll never be happy.

10. Be honest - THE CRUCIAL THING IS NOT TO LIE

11. Don't play games - And we don't manipulate people we love, we just let them know honestly how we feel and what's important to us. 

12. You can't make someone love you - It's possible this is one of the hardest things to accept when it comes to matters of the heart. You find the person you've been looking for all your life. Trouble is, they don't seem to have realized it. Maybe you met recently and you've head over heels, but they don't seem very keen. You're hanging on desperately, sure that they must soon realize you are made for each other. . . Or maybe you've actually been together as a couple for years - they are very fond of you, after all, and being with you is easy - but deep down you know they don't really love you. Sooner or, maybe later they'll tell you that things just aren't working out, but you don't want to hear it. You try to persuade them to give you another chance. Maybe you try to change, to become the person they really want. It's all a bit humiliating really, but you don't see it like that. You think it's worth to win their love. Funny thing is, though - it never works. Love just isn't like that. You can jump through any hoops you like, beat yourself up for not being able to match up to their standard (as you see it), damage your confidence and your self-esteem in the process, and still they won't love you. They can't. Maybe they're gentle and apologetic about it,, or maybe they're unkind or even brutal. The same scenario is played out in relationship the world over - where only one of the two is actually in love. Think through some of the couples you know and I bet you can think of examples where this is true. I know people who have been through this, and have taken months or years to realize there's no hope. Since then, they've found romance with someone who reciprocates their love. And the interesting thing is that everyone I know who has been through this says the same thing: thank goodness that other relationship finally ended, because this is so much better. You see, however wonderful the object of your affections is, if they don't love you back the relationship will never be that good. Even supposing they could love you, if it requires you to keep jumping through all those hoops to hang on them, it's just not worth it. You need and deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not for who you're pretending or trying to be. So as soon as you realize you're with someone who doesn't love you, you need to be really brave and end the relationship before they do. You'll feel bad about losing them, but great for holding on to your pride, and one day you'll look back and realize how courageous and right a decision it was.

Reference: THE RULES OF LOVE (Richard Templar) Page 4-40.

rising strong!

in life, we are going to stumble, fall and get your ass kicked, you have to practicing being brave -- and vulnerability is still uncomfortable and falling still hurts. it always will. you will learn the process of struggling and navigating hurt as much to offers us the process of being brave and showing up.
i once asked myself (rujuk kepada orang yang berjaya) "why do these people with strong relationships, parents with deep connections to their children, teachers nurturing creativity and learning, clergy walking with people through faith, and trusted leaders have in common?"

the answer was clear; they recognize the power of emotion and they're not afraid to lean in to discomfort. -- if we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall.

after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives; it's the process that teaches us the most about who we are!

gembira pada hari ini?

apa kita buat kalau kita mengetahui kematian?
-- tentu kita membuang semua kesengsaraan, kekecewaan, kehancuran hati dan refleksi diri. kita tidak mempunyai walau sehari untuk dibazirkan, walau sehari untuk merungut, walau sehari untuk membenci, dan walau sehari untuk tidak bergembira. rungutan dan kemarahan dibuang ke tepi. kita tidak lagi membanding-bandingkan kehidupan kita. kita tertawa tatkala mengimbas cerita lama. kita melupakan kenangan pahit dan menyimpan kenangan manis sesudah kita mengetahui kehidupan adalah singkat.
kita dapat membuang semua perasaan bimbang, prejudis, marah dan takut. kita benar-benar menikmati hari ini, satu minit pada setiap masa, dengan segala keindahan, kesederhanaan dan kasih sayang <3 

don't try so hard

-kebahagiaan tidak memerlukan banyak kerja keras -- ia perlu diusahakan yakni dicipta dan dikawal oleh diri sendiri, -kita perlu memilih kehidupan yang mahu kita jalani sebelum kehidupan yang memilih untuk kita, -takdir akan datang bertandang sekiranya kamu membiarkan pintu kehidupan terbuka kepada keyakinan
(kehidupan di lorong perlahan)
"pada saat seseorang memberi sepenuh perhatian kepada apa sahaja, walaupun secarik rumput dapat menjadi sebuah dunia yang misteri, mengagumkan dan menakjubkan"
"saya sentiasa tergesa-gesa dan tidak menyedari bacaan meter minyak. ketika kereta menghala keluar dari jalanraya, saya memandang jam tangan dan menghempas stereng kereta akibat kecewa. saya perlu menghadiri mesyuarat dalam masa 15 minit lagi. tetapi sewaktu saya keluar dari kereta, sesuatu yang menakjubkan berlaku. saya memandang ke arah timur dan kelihatan matahari mula terbit dan memancarkan sinarnya di kaki langit. kabus-kabus kecil kelihatan tergantung di atas sungai dan sekawan itik melepasi kabus-kabus itu dan menyusur dengan lancar di atas permukaan air yang kelihatan seperti kaca. saya tergamam dan kagum pada masa yang sama. pemandangan yang menakjubkan ini berlaku pada setiap pagi di luar kereta saya dan saya tidak pernah meluangkan masa menghayati keindahannya. saya tergesa-gesa ke sana dan ke sini supaya tidak ketinggalan apa-apa. tetapi rupa-rupanya saya sudah ketinggalan semuanya. "memberi tumpuan sepenuhnya pada setiap momen kehidupan yang tersingkap di hadapan saya. dengan gembira tenang dan sabar saya mengembara ke dalam kehidupan di lorong perlahan menikmati setiap momen berharga yang terkandung di dalamnya.
(Chicken Soup for The Soul)

don't stop

yes, i love the rose, but also accept the torn
i fall hard -- no, very hard but i get back up, quick and heal faster than you can understand
there's no other way my friends no, other way so much distance still left to go so many mountains left to climb
i can't stop -- i can't
to stop is to die -- and i won't die
no, we are survivors and warriors -- of love & light

Sedapnya tempoyak, terangnya matahari dan cantiknya pelangi.

why I should update something?
entah, i think it's just my things to update something that give benefits to people. i'm satisfied to have something to share and to write. if i don't have something benefit to share with, i feel so not energetic. because of what? i mostly cares. i mostly want the best in people. and i shouldn't complaint. i have this courage to, and i can't stop.  hello people, who are hurt, who are face are marred by dust. this is your place.
and i guna bahasa rojak, sebab i love rojak so much.
i know you're hurt, i may not feel the same way as you did but insyaallah i do understand. why you are hurt? you hurt yourself didn't you? you made it by yourself right? why? you don't have enough courage to get your back up. why? don't hurt yourself, dear. did all your life are all dedicate to perform the fall after you try? you let yourself. and you complaint itself. it's the real badass. 
Badassery Someone yang claim diri dia "sakit" but it's okay to be hurt. = complaint = badass. Lol you sakit hati sebab diri you, you selesaikan lah dengan Tuhan bagi tenang hati tu, you complain kat manusia you dah buat baik seribu tahun tapi takdaq sapa nampak & hargai em so selama ni ang ikhlas daq? manusia tu boleh pusing hati you dan tenteram kan hati you? persoalannya ikhlas, kalau you ikhlas semua akan baik. Kalau jujur & ikhlas tu boleh nampak mesti ang mintak sorry kat orang yang you aniaya tu selama 7bulan perjalanan ke mekah menaiki kapal. tolong lah jadi seorang yang faham dan ikhlas. i mohon. Selagi you hidup dekat tempat yang namanya Dunia, selagi tu hati you akan disakiti. You seronok ke disakiti? Rasa down sepanjang masa, rasa nak commit suicide. dan you seronok sakit kan hati orang lain? you seronok buat orang? hati you puas? You yakin perbuatan menyakitkan hati orang tu tak dibalas? You dah menang?  Sebelum I tendang punggung you, baik you sedar sekarang.
Kenapa kita tak hidup dengan menghargai & bersyukur. Sebab kita rasa hidup kita tak happy dan tak cukup. Kalau you rasa you macam tu maknanya you tamak. Kalau you rasa tak dihargai oleh seseorang, baik you kenang betul-betul perbuatan baik yang dia pernah buat kat you, atau kat orang lain. Pernah tak you jumpa orang yang lepas handphone dia tercampak dalam jamban, and dia cakap "aku nak juga phone macam tu sebiji tak dapat phone mahal pun takpe lah aku akan hargai phone tu walaupun burok kamera macam sampah" ataupun kau kutuk kawan kau, then esok tu dia mati, baru kau nak cakap, "kalau aku tahu dia nak mati dah, aku akan hargai dia selagi dia hidup, aku harap dia sempat maafkan aku" haa pernah tak jumpa?  Pernah kan? Banyak benda yang kita boleh syukur, kita je tak hargai sebab tak nampak, nampak salah orang je, macam orang tu jahat macam langsuir dan kita sempurna yang teramat. Sebab diri kita sendiri, kita rasa tak cukup, apa yang kita nak ialah complain dan terus complain. Lepas complain hidup hang ada pelangi ka? :') Cuba lah cari benda yang menghidupkan hati you, yang menceriakan hidup you. Ye i faham you sakit, orang lain pun sakit sayang, I pun sakit, tapi kalau boleh kita cari penyelesaian bukan menambahkan rasa kebimbangan hati dengan menambah-nambah benda yang awak sendiri rumitkan. Saya mengaku saya pun sering disakitkan tetapi saya memilih untuk diam dan tak menghebohkan, fokus untuk gembira dengan bersyukur dengan apa yang ada, cari backup supaya saya tak mati dengan kecewa yang melampau. Kerana matahari masih ada setiap pagi, bulan masih menampakkan diri ditengah malam, ada ibu bapa yang baik, adik beradik yang pelik itu dah cukup membahagiakan saya.
Cuba pergi hargai yang awak dilahirkan oleh mak awak dan mak awak sayang awak sampai sekarang atau hargai yang awak masih ada internet untuk buat macam-macam ok? Pergilah playbook store dan download lah buku-buku yang membantu awak atau pergi kedai buku untuk kepuasan yang maksimum ok ataupun hargai yang tempoyak yang sedap itu dibuat oleh durian dan garam, kalau durian dan garam itu bergaduh macam mana kita semua nak makan tempoyak? T.T
Semuanya bermula pada diri sendiri. Pemikiran & persepsi masing-masing.
Syukur & Hargai every little thing before it's all too late for you.

love, shira